You know, I'm going to be real honest, which is pretty rare because most of the time I say that I am going to be honest but I am lying when I say that. However, this time I said REAL honest, so you know that I am probably telling the truth. Or at least trying not to lie as hard as I usually do. Whatever. As I put out more and more updates in this series, it's getting harder and harder to figure out things to write in the introductions that hasn't already been covered. I mean, I'm talking pictures from suggestions that Google offers me when searching and then talking about them. How many different ways can you spin that? Sure, you can always spend the introduction talking about how you've run out of things to talk about that are relevant to the update below but, honestly, that's kind of taking the easy way out and that isn't something that I would ever do.

I will admit, though, that Google isn't making future editions easy. They keep refining their suggestions algorithm and they're getting pretty good at weeding out all the ones that originally made the idea so fun. Still, you can't fix everything, Google, no matter how hard you try because human stupidity will outsmart your engineers every single time. But look at me trying to take the limelight away from the heart of this piece: the suggestions. Let's get on to getting on about reading about whatever it was that Google suggested to me while I was most definitely not searching for ways to make Zebra pancakes.

Ah, Jaws, the late 1970's coming-of-age movie about a little shark trying to make it in the big bad ocean. A true classic to be sure. A classic that would be absolutely ruined if made today, in a time when Hollywood is all about special effects and explosions. Heck, they'd probably turn it into some kind of horror movie where the shark went crazy and ate a bunch of people in the water while completely ignoring the tone and message of the original films. Anything to make a quick buck, I guess.

Get girl date. Money buy drunken time. Optional roofie. Acquire bed for woman. Naked. Stick penis vagina. Rapid back forth. Build climax. Sexy explosion sperm. No face. Sperm attack egg. Invade. Baby nine months.

Yeah, who are "they" and why are they making up words for a disease which I probably don't have and making up names for holidays that I never heard of. Pfft.. "easter." It doesn't even sound like a real word. It's like THEY aren't even trying.

Yes, I'm an activist but I am also unsure of myself. I strongly believe in protecting the environment but I also second guess myself. The BP oil spill has devastated the gulf coast and I feel adamant about making them pay for the damage they did. Or do I? I'm really not sure. Perhaps I should get my information from Google and move on from there. I mean, I like the idea of a boycott but I don't want to be the only doing it, you know?

I am homosex, hear me roar! Well, it's not much a roar as it is like a soft, kitten purr. Meow. Be careful, though. Sometimes I'm a tiger, also. You can never tell, for I am homosex.

You know, at first glance, this suggestion seems laughable and the joke almost writes itself but if you stop and think for a moment, maybe the idea of Chinese people being aliens isn't so far-fetched. I mean, China has some pretty advanced technology and they speak a language I don't understand. It's not that inconceivable that they could be flying around the world in really cool spaceships monitoring us. Have you ever seen an alien and a Chinese person in the same room? No? Don't you find that a little damning? I'm not going to say that I am on to something here but maybe I am on to something here.

There are a number of questions every person should ask themselves prior to purchasing an alcoholic beverage. Do I have enough money to pay for this? Am I thirsty enough to risk jail to steal it? Is this the stuff that tastes like horse piss or was that some other brand? And while all of the preceding questions are important for aiding in the decision making process, they pale in comparison to the real deciding factor. Is this beer vegan? Because I am sooooo all about animal rights and whatnot but tonight is Tuesday and I want to get tore up from the floor up.

Yes, among a number of other powers such as flight, ducking, and being real good at hide and seek. Midgets are the unicorns of the 21st century. Unicorns with really small willies I'm guessing.

The true answer to this question requires a lot more context on the time frame in which it is posed. Did your mom just die? Is she still in the room or did you at least call 911 first? Sex with your step dad after the 911 call is OK. Is your step dad also dead? Is he still warm? Then yes, also. Are you a guy or girl? If you're a guy, that's also OK to have sex with your step dad. At least your mother isn't alive to have shame over your lifestyle anymore. If you're a girl, then no, you should not be having sex with your step dad. You should out at bars getting hammered and having sex with random men your own age. Older guys are gross and creepy.

It's hard to get a sense of meaning from written text sometimes. Like, did he just poop a hammer and is trying to figure out what to do? (I pooped a hammer?) Or maybe he just pooped a hammer and is proud of it. (I pooped a hammer!) Either way, it begs the question of how he ate the hammer in the first place. The search "how to eat a hammer" yielded no suggestions.

Wow, leave it to the internet to open previously unheard of income opportunities for young adults and mid-30's uber-nerds living in their parent's basement. And to think that I gave mine away for free. Oh, how naive I was last week.

You know, I'm no relationship expert, though I have ruined a number of them during my time as an adult male. However, if you're sitting on the computer and the one thing you can think of to type into the Google search box is something centered around asking the internet if you should get a divorce, the answer is probably yes. In fact, I am pretty sure that any question you ask the internet will yield a number of resounding "yes" responses, regardless of the nature of your query. Yes, you should kill a hooker. Yes, you should defecate on your neighbor's car. And yes, you should most definitely get a divorce. The world needs more bitter, middle-aged women who have emotional problems as a result of their first marriage falling apart. Go on, we're waiting.

Well, that's all that we having lined up for today's suggestion session. It's always fun to troll around the internet and find really horrible things to look at and show people. Like, for example, when you first found this website. As always, if you find a great suggestion that needs to be preserved and talked about immediately, feel free to email it to us.