They say that all good things must come to an end and if that is truly the case, Richard Hobberman must be the exact opposite of a good thing. If you haven't been following the adventures outlined in Spamtastic #5, what started out as a normal job offer scam quickly developed into an online relationship that skittered along the boundaries of both the homosexual and serial killer realms. As far as I know, I am not a homosexual serial killer so needless to say, this made me more than a little uncomfortable. Thankfully for you, I am not me when I am talking to these people so there is little that can stop the flow of idiocy into the inbox.

I had long assumed that the saga of my internet bromance with Richard was over, since it had been some time since he emailed me and I had cut off all communication with him but it seems that the secret is out. Others have taken to name dropping Richard's name in emails in an effort to get my attention. Well, get my attention they did. Below is the initial email that got this whole ball rolling again.

From: "Kath Odie" [odie3214@ymail.com]
Subject: Job Employment

Reference No:- LSLCA/2031/ 8161/05
Batch No:- R4/A313/2-60

Dear Roger P.Garrison, Esq,

This message comes from the response of Dr. Richard Hobberman of the employment form of the reference and batch number stated above,the sole employee of the company. We have got your email and address stating that you are really interested in working with our great company which is just on the verge of growing it's service across various countries here and around Europe.We wish to inform you that we have spread our wings even to the Native Asian countries.

Your address have been forwarded to the finance department of the company and we will like to make the final verification just to ascertain your commitment in rendering your service in support of the growth of our company.

CONFIRM YOUR EMPLOYMENT FORM AS YOU HAVE FILLED EALIER

PERSONAL INFORMATION:

First Name.....................
Middle Name..................
Last Name......................
Street Address {NO P.O.BOXES PLS}..................
City...............................
State.............................
Zip Code........................
Cell Phone Number...............
Home Phone Number.............
Age..................................
Current Occupation.................
Alternate Email Address…………….

We wish to inform you that from our department which is the financial department,we will include a security measure which you will include in communicating with us at the finance department at any time you need to communication or we need to communicate with you.

We have set our code to be A19E90 from our end and it will be 09E91A from your end.Any time we are sending you email we will include the code from our end and will always require you to state the code from your end just to make the transaction secure enough.. Please ignore any email sent to you without including the the transaction code from our end and we will also ignore any email not including the transaction code from your end.You will notify the company a week ahead if eventually you want to discontinue this job. So as to terminate all payment coming your way to avoid conflict.

Congratulations and looking forward to a fruitful time working with you.

PS - Pls reply to confirm receipt of this email confirming of your transaction code and delete this message to protect your code from third party .

Regards

Dr. Kath.
Financial dept,
Tunshin Leo Textiles,
United States of America,Department.

Initially, I didn't read the email all that closely. I just noticed that he had my "full" name and mentioned Richard Hobberman, so I just assumed that this was another person in some department of Richard's fake company that for whatever reason needed my info again. If it meant working with Richard, I was happy to comply. They seemed to be serious about security to I figured that this was the next logical step in whatever fucked up hiring process they employ.

From: Roger Garrison [roger@4kb.com]
To: "Kath Odie" [odie3214@ymail.com]
Subject: Re: Job Employment 09E91A

Reference No:- LSLCA/2031/ 8161/05
Batch No:- R4/A313/2-60

Dearest Dr. "Kath Odie" Kath,

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to contact me about this. Between you and me, I was a little worried that Mr. Hobberman had dropped the ball and that this thing was going nowhere. It has been some time since I last heard from him and even when I did hear from him, he spent the majority of his email hitting on me. I found that very inappropriate but yet, through it all, I found myself very endeared to Richard. He makes me tingle in my nether regions.

Per your request, I have included my secret code in the subject line of this email so that you know that this is really from me. Truth be told, I think that maybe we could come up with a different method that actually works but look at me coming in and telling you how to run your business. I have also left the reference and batch numbers intact but honestly, I think you just made those up to look cool because Richard never mentioned anything about reference and batch numbers. You don't have to lie to kick it, Dr. Kath. We're still cool.

Also, not to sound crabby or anything but this is the third time that I have filled out the same employment form and it's getting a little old. Look, I'm serious, OK? I don't have to keep filling out forms to prove that I am. So, just because you are a nice person, I will do it this one last time but so help me, if I get another email asking me for this shit, I am going to fly across the internets and punch someone in the face.

So, let's get the form crap out of the way:

PERSONAL INFORMATION:

First Name: Roger
Middle Name: Poultry
Last Name: Garrison
Street Address: 762 Sutter Street
City: San Francisco
State: CA
Zip Code: 94109
Cell Phone Number: 1 415-893-1641
Home Phone Number: N/A
Age: 26
Current Occupation: Waiting to work for you
Alternate Email Address: r2thageezy@4kb.com

I mostly only use that alternate email address for correspondence with my rap friends so if you decide to send me email there, please talk in ebonics or I won't understand what you are saying. If you want, we can battle rap back and forth. I don't know if music is your thing or not but I'm just throwing that option out there to spice up our business relationship.

Also, please note that my birthday is coming up. I don't know if you have a company policy about celebrating or whatever but I'm just letting you know that in case you want to send me something. You know, a cake or whatever. I'll be wearing a funny hat all day that day so please don't plan any teleconference meeting either. I don't want to look like a fool.

So, with my information provided and again and my "seriousness" re-affirmed, please get back to me at your earliest convenience and let me know how things are going to proceed.

I am very excited about working with your company, provided that actual work starts happening soon.

Thank you for your time.

Beaming Back To The Home Planet,
Roger Garrison
roger@4kb.com

Pretty straight-forward. Richard dropped the ball on the hiring thing and this dude was picking up the pieces. I'm cool with that. Let's just get me hired already.

And then the twist came.

The next day, I received an email from Richard who mentioned nothing about this other person and was all business as usual (like Richard is prone to do). In fact, Richard is so about business that I received the below email twice, from two different email addresses. I assume that he just wanted to make sure it got to me. Mission accomplished, Richard.

From: "Richard E. Hobberman" [r.hobberman@gmail.com]
To: Roger Garrison [roger@4kb.com]
Subject: Update...Get Back To Me ASAP.

Hello There,

Top of the Day to you out there.How are you today?.I want to Apologise to you for not getting across to you in a long time..I have been very Busy with Work.

I wish to bring it to your Notice that the Payment Check has been sent and in a couple of days you should receive the Package that contains the Check in An Express mail Service {UPS} that contains the Check,if you havent received them already.I am sure you know what to do with the Check when you receive them.

But if you dont, kindly get back to me so i could tell what to do. Kindly get back to me for further Instructions and the Details of the Receiver Via Western Union Money Transfer.I am earnestly waiting for your response as soon as possible.

Please indicate your Interest in the Job as Agreed Upon earlier.

N:B: There is going to be A Check in the Package Via a Courier Express Service which i am going to give you the Tracking Number.Kindly notify me as soon as you receive the Check.

Best Regards,
Richard.

OK, something is not right here. I think the best course of action is to simply ask Richard about this other fellow and see what he has to say.

From: Roger Garrison [roger@4kb.com]
To: "Richard E. Hobberman" [r.hobberman@gmail.com]
Subject: Re: Update...Get Back To Me ASAP.

Dear Richard, Business Partner Extraordinaire,

I am so happy to hear from you. It feels like it has been forever since we last communicated words between one another over the internet. I was starting to wonder whether we were even business partners anymore. I mean, I thought that we had a good thing going but with the way the world works, maybe you decided that you didn't like me anymore and moved on to greener pastures. However, you have at last emailed me again and all is well. My inbox is much happier when you're inside it.

I am excited to hear that work has been busy, which hopefully means that you and me are going to be rolling in the dough soon. I wish that I could say that I have been very busy with work myself but since I work for you and you've sent me absolutely zero work, saying such a thing would be a lie and lying is not something that Roger P. Garrison does. (Unless it was something like us lying together in a field together or whatever then I am totally down with that because it doesn't mean the same thing and doesn't violate the three core principles that I live life by.)

I will admit, Richard, that I am a little concerned, however. Recently, I received an email from Kath Odie concerning job employment. They mentioned that they were referred to me by you and they mentioned you by name. They had some of my information including my full name, so I assumed that their inquiry was related to our business dealings. In the email, they mentioned batch and reference numbers and set up a secure set of codes that we were to use for back and forth communication.

While I am very excited about hearing from you, I can't help but notice that your email includes neither reference/batch numbers or the secret communication codes that I agreed to use with Kath Odie. Since Kath knew your name and mine, I can only assume that it was a legit business contact.

1) If it wasn't a legit referral based on our business dealings, can you explain how Kath Odie was able to obtain my information?

2) Since you didn't use any of the agreed upon security codes in your email, how do I know that you are really Richard Hobberman?

I want to believe this thing is real, Richard, but I need some reassurance and answers because I am starting to get worried about these strangers emailing me and asking for information. This isn't how business is supposed to operate.

Please advise.

Your Friend In The End,
Roger Garrison
roger@4kb.com

I've been swindled out of my hard-earned money more than once and I am not about to let it happen again. I patiently wait for a reply from Richard before moving forward because I am really confused right now.

From: "Richard E. Hobberman" [r.hobberman@gmail.com]
To: Roger Garrison [roger@4kb.com]
Subject: Re: Update...Get Back To Me ASAP.

Hello Roger P.,

Thanks for your Email and i am really glad to Hear from you after a Long Silence.I read your email with keen interest and i am willing to supply you with the Answers you requested

1) I DONT KNOW THIS PERSON AND I DIDNT GIVE HIM /HER YOUR DETAILS...YOUR DETAILS ARE KEPT CONFIDENCIAL AND IT HAS NOT BEEN RELEASED TO ANY THIRD PARTY.SO DISREGARD ANY EMAILS FROM THIS PERSON.THEY ARE THE USUAL SCAMMERS ONLINE TRYING TO RIP YOU OFF.

2) IF THERE IS GONNA BE A CODE AS A MEANS OF CORRESPODING THEN I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU SO.THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AS CODES IN OUR CONVERSATION BACK AND FORTH.THESE ARE DETARCTORS THAT ARE TRYING TO DIVERT YOUR ATTENTION FROM THE POINT.

Dis regard any emails with such Preference.Thanks

Richard.

Oh Richard, your erratic method of typing emails makes me smile. At least he took the time to respond to my questions this time around, though I am still no closer to figuring out the mystery of Kath Odie other than Richard's claims of keeping my information confidential. Somehow, I really doubt that's the case.

But before I could fire off a wondrous reply to Richard, I received another email in my inbox from none other than the man himself, Kath Odie. He seems blissfully unaware that anything is wrong and proceeds to that things are moving along and he will keep me updated.

From: "Kath Odie" [odie3214@ymail.com]
To: "Roger Garrison" [roger@4kb.com]
Subject: Re: Job Employment 09E91A

Hello Roger

Thanks so much for your swift response to my offer, I will keep you updating as soon as possible just make you always get in touch with me

Honestly, I have no idea what the hell he was trying to say to me but I do know that Sir Kath is a liar and scum. Also, he may be trying to scam me over the internet of all places (according to Richard). I decide that a direct and fast confrontation with Kath Odie should be my first course of action. Richard can wait.

From: "Roger Garrison" [roger@4kb.com]
To: "Kath Odie" [odie3214@ymail.com]
Subject: Re: Job Employment 09E91A

Dear Kath Odie,

I will admit to a certain level of surprise with regards to your latest reply back to me, which was based off a reply that I originally sent to you after you sent me an email using a computer that you may or may not have built yourself out of rocks and paper airplane glue. (If so, kudos to you, sir.)

Firstly, I have spoken to Richard Hobberman directly, the person who you claim gave you my information. Richard Hobberman has told me that he did absolutely no such thing and that he doesn't know a person named Kath Odie. He even went so far as to say that you might be trying to scam me. Over the internet. As far as I am concerned, that is quite possibly the worst kind of scamming ever. (It ranks just a little above using counterfeit quarters to pay for lemonade.) I told him that I didn't believe him and that Kath Odie couldn't be as horrible a person as Richard made you sound but now it's time for you to answer to that charge.

Would you mind telling me how you really got my information?

Secondly, you wrote a number of words in your previous email about the topic of security and how you take it very seriously. You went so far as to come up with really lame code numbers that we were supposed to use for our secure communications. If you'll notice, I used them in my email. I used them because I care enough to not give you syphilis over the internet. You, however, did not use any special code of any kind, which left the door wide open for hackers and old ladies to read our communications.

How do I know that you are the real Kath Odie and not some kind of Kath Odie impostor?

I am definitely interested in working with you and your company but if you are just going to lie to me, well, at least lie to me really well so that I don't catch on to the fact that you are lying to me. I'm not the smartest cow on the ranch but I did go on that show with Jeff Foxworthy one time so I definitely know that I can answer more questions than a 5th grader.

Please help me clarify this issue, Kath and we can start working towards building a nice business relationship together. Tunshin Leo Textiles sounds like a wonderful place to work.

Playing The Waiting Game,
Roger Garrison
roger@4kb.com

My next step was to get back in touch with Richard and let me him know that I gave Mr. Odie a stern talking to and to find out what our next steps are as business partners since I got all side-tracked with the other guy offering me a job.

From: "Roger Garrison" [roger@4kb.com]
To: "Richard E. Hobberman" [r.hobberman@gmail.com]
Subject: Re: Update...Get Back To Me ASAP.

Hello R-Hobbz,

I am glad that you were able to write me back in such a quick amount of time. I realize that using letters to form words and sentences can be difficult at times but you have proven yourself a worthy challenger to the alphabet and I appreciate that.

While I will admit to being shocked that someone would have the nerve to try and scam people, doing such a thing over the internet of all places is just a truly despicable act. At first, I didn't believe that such a thing were possible but then I asked my psycho-therapist about it and she said that it really does happen. I am glad that you have opened by eyes to the issue of people trying to defraud me and my good nature. You know me, Richard, and you know that I am a kind soul with a giving heart and a lubed up hand. The fact that someone might try and take advantage of that just makes me sick to my stomach. I just threw up all over the portion of my keyboard that has the numbers on it so hopefully I won't have to type any of those.

I have sent a very mean email to this Kath Odie person and I have demanded answers. Normally, I could handle someone attacking me because I totally know a lot of sweet karate moves but for him to bring your name into this whole mess is just not acceptable. I will await his answers back because Kath Odie doesn't seem like a very stand-up individual. Maybe he was trying to send me a virus or something. I don't know.

I am a little worried that I gave him all of my personal information though. I mean, with you, it's different you know but he was a total stranger and now I feel really stupid because I should have seen through his ruse. Why can't everyone in the world be as great as you, Richard? Well, I guess that wouldn't be fair to you then if that was the case because if everyone was the same as you, you wouldn't be all that great -- just another person who is generically awesome. Good thing that there are enough other sucky people around.

I will keep you posted on how this Kath Odie thing turns out.

Also, thanks for clearing up the code thing. I personally thought that the whole idea was really faggy because I could just make up any kind of code and be like, "oh shit this stuff is secure" but it doesn't work that way. You and I live in the real world, Richard. Security is all about defending yourself with nunchuk power, not some gay number system. I really hate when detractors try and divert my attention away from the point.

So, now that we have that scam impostor thing out of the way, how should we proceed? I've been so caught up in trying to defend my good name that I kind of last track where we were business-wise.

Holla back at me with whatever I need to do to get this thing moving on.

With Burning Desire,
Roger Garrison
roger@4kb.com

Man, this thing is getting convoluted. Who knew that scamming people on the internet was such serious business that two people have to lie about knowing each other in order to get me to fall victim to it. While I have yet to hear anything back from Kath Odie concerning the allegations, I did receive a recent from Richard detailing how we should move forward.

From: "Richard E. Hobberman" [r.hobberman@gmail.com]
To: "Roger Garrison" [roger@4kb.com]
Subject: Re: Update...Get Back To Me ASAP.

Dear Roger "P"Garrison,

Uhm i am always liek to hear from you.You are so Full of swet words and you are kind hearted and Hospitable Kinda Person.Well just keep it all Up.

With the Impostor out of the Way .Now this is what you need to do. If you are really interested in working for me..Can you by Chance get to Chat with me as i would like this to be One on One Issue and not Via emails as it will look more real and Nice to chat with you better than through the emails.I am not even good at Typing and it Sucks too.

If you can come online that will be great i am always online on richard1sst@yahoo.com.hk and ou get a hold on Me.I have a better and a Profitable Business Offer tht could fetch you Good Reward {I mean Money} .We afre talking about Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars here and this aint a Joke.If you can come online then this can get done As soon as You want it to.

If you also have a Bank Of America Bank Account or a Credit Card where Funds can be Deposited.it's gonne be of great advantage and use to you and Me.I am hell bent at making you Rich and have a better Life and make the time spent with me a Reasonable one which you will never forget.So get back to me with what you think if you are gonna be down wit this lor not.

You should be receiving the Check really soon.So be on the Look out for it ...I will keep you posted .thanks as i wait for your response as Usual.Dont forget you are to Chat with Me to consolidate on this.

Best Regards,
Richard.

I have no idea what kind of email client Richard is using but I really wish you could have seen the original. Every single line started with an * and there were literally hundreds littered throughout the entire email. I have no idea what would possess someone to do something like that but I can only hope that they were actually little sparkly stars and Richard put them all over the place because I am a really great guy.

So, what now? Will I hear something back from Kath Odie? Will I get online and talk to Richard via IM? Will he really make me insanely rich? I have no idea but you'll just have to stay tuned to find out. I really hope this thing gets wrapped up soon because I am starting to run out of numbers after the decimal to name these updates.