If yesterday's posted update taught us anything, it's that yesterday's posted update taught us a lot more than one thing and it's logic like
that that really flies in the face of that whole "reading is fundamental"
crowd. I hate being called fundamental. Aside from
re-enforcing the whole "Randy is an extremely unfunny idiot who has no
business trying to write humor" aspect that is usually tacked on to
each piece that I write, yesterday also taught us that, once again, the
P.Net crowd is an extremely mixed bag. Either that or that some
of the P.Net crowd is heavily into mind-altering drugs, which would
explain why some people react favorably after I steal someone else's
joke and then attempt to screw it up day after day.
You see, while I understand that it's near impossible to please everyone, that doesn't stop me from trying. Admittedly, I don't try very hard but this is an issue that I am working on and the banana farmer that I pay to act as my therapist says that I am making progress. You see, sometimes I unknowingly strike comedy gold and I recieve rave reviews from all four of my regular readers, including the kid who is wheelchair bound after losing both of his legs in a fire. His mom forces him to read everything that I write simply to prove the point that there are people with the world with far more severe disabilities than his. Mine just happens to be mental. Sometimes, I receive mixed reviews from those same four readers, usually depending on if reader #2 is on hallucinogens or not. Sometimes, I get no reviews at all, which leads me into a sad state of uncertainty and social awkwardness. Now, you may be wondering why social awkwardness would be a factor. Let me put it this way: aside from the updates, I have nothing of value to talk about in real life. If, say, a nuclear holocaust prevented you from reading an update, the next time I saw you, the conversation would go something like this:
Randy: Hi!
You: No.
Randy: Hey, did you..
You: No, I didn't read the update.
Randy: ...I like butterflies.
Now, unless there was the off chance that you also happened to like butterflies, we'd pretty much be at a standstill for making conversation, similar to sitting down at the breakfast table on the morning after you walked in on your parents having intercourse. Knowing all that and given the average reader response to any given update, I suppose that yesterday's post also told us that not a whole helluva lot of people really give a damn about feedback. What yesterday's update did not teach us were things like the theory of relativity, largely because someone else already wrote about that and it's pretty common knowledge. I know this because Tyler Durden knows this.
But, you know, this whole thing isn't some ploy to talk about my lack of feedback, though it certainly may appear that way to the untrained eye, and to prove that point, I would like to take the opportunity to change topics. According to wholly factual information that I found on the internet, I am the 45,051,036th richest person in the world! This puts me in the top 0.75% of the world's population but I obviously have quite a bit to climb, no doubt leaving a horrid trail of trampled poor people in my wake. I would like to say that I had a plan for the copious amounts of money that I am making every second that I am alive, but I really don't. You see, I spend all my time finding other sites that are funnier than mine and then stealing whatever it is that they come up with. You know, the whole providing free entertainment to the world thing. I suppose that I could also give some to the homeless but I hate the idea of being an enabler.
So, in the end, I don't suppose that I can really blame you for not having the time to provide any semblence of feedback. I mean, you probably never gave Sally Struthers the 35 cents that she needed to feed that kid with the fly on his eyeball either. Damn, I bet that fly ate well, though. However, next time I write some drivel that you absolutely hate, such as this very piece that you're reading, you have no one to blame but yourself. Well, I suppose you could also blame me but you should be careful. I usually save my reciept and will try to return the blame when you're not looking and trade it in for a cash refund at Target. God, I hate Target.
You see, while I understand that it's near impossible to please everyone, that doesn't stop me from trying. Admittedly, I don't try very hard but this is an issue that I am working on and the banana farmer that I pay to act as my therapist says that I am making progress. You see, sometimes I unknowingly strike comedy gold and I recieve rave reviews from all four of my regular readers, including the kid who is wheelchair bound after losing both of his legs in a fire. His mom forces him to read everything that I write simply to prove the point that there are people with the world with far more severe disabilities than his. Mine just happens to be mental. Sometimes, I receive mixed reviews from those same four readers, usually depending on if reader #2 is on hallucinogens or not. Sometimes, I get no reviews at all, which leads me into a sad state of uncertainty and social awkwardness. Now, you may be wondering why social awkwardness would be a factor. Let me put it this way: aside from the updates, I have nothing of value to talk about in real life. If, say, a nuclear holocaust prevented you from reading an update, the next time I saw you, the conversation would go something like this:
Randy: Hi!
You: No.
Randy: Hey, did you..
You: No, I didn't read the update.
Randy: ...I like butterflies.
Now, unless there was the off chance that you also happened to like butterflies, we'd pretty much be at a standstill for making conversation, similar to sitting down at the breakfast table on the morning after you walked in on your parents having intercourse. Knowing all that and given the average reader response to any given update, I suppose that yesterday's post also told us that not a whole helluva lot of people really give a damn about feedback. What yesterday's update did not teach us were things like the theory of relativity, largely because someone else already wrote about that and it's pretty common knowledge. I know this because Tyler Durden knows this.
But, you know, this whole thing isn't some ploy to talk about my lack of feedback, though it certainly may appear that way to the untrained eye, and to prove that point, I would like to take the opportunity to change topics. According to wholly factual information that I found on the internet, I am the 45,051,036th richest person in the world! This puts me in the top 0.75% of the world's population but I obviously have quite a bit to climb, no doubt leaving a horrid trail of trampled poor people in my wake. I would like to say that I had a plan for the copious amounts of money that I am making every second that I am alive, but I really don't. You see, I spend all my time finding other sites that are funnier than mine and then stealing whatever it is that they come up with. You know, the whole providing free entertainment to the world thing. I suppose that I could also give some to the homeless but I hate the idea of being an enabler.
So, in the end, I don't suppose that I can really blame you for not having the time to provide any semblence of feedback. I mean, you probably never gave Sally Struthers the 35 cents that she needed to feed that kid with the fly on his eyeball either. Damn, I bet that fly ate well, though. However, next time I write some drivel that you absolutely hate, such as this very piece that you're reading, you have no one to blame but yourself. Well, I suppose you could also blame me but you should be careful. I usually save my reciept and will try to return the blame when you're not looking and trade it in for a cash refund at Target. God, I hate Target.