Date: July 06, 2005
Place: Kuldar Hall of Congressional Justice
Location: Kuldar, Third Known Kuldarian Planet, Space
Qu'gen: Order, order! Let it be known that this session of Congress is now in order. All acknowledge that Supreme Congressional Ruler Ju'rantit, son of Trin'ta, has the floor.
Ju'rantit: Thank you, Qu'gen. As many of you, esteemed members of this Congress, may already know, a few days ago our planet became the focus of an unprovoked yet deliberately brutal terrorist attack. In the early morning hours of July 4th, 2005, a weapon from a passing space probe was used to crash into and destroy our beloved Tempel 1, a historical moon from our galaxy. Initial intelligence reports from the SIA (Space Intelligence Agency) lead us to believe that this is the work of a terrorist faction called NASA, native to the Americas on the remote planet of Earth.
At this point in time, the reasons behind this malicious attack are only speculation but make no mistake: This was an attack. An attack on our freedoms and our way of life here on Kuldar. They expected to shake us, to bring our population into a state of fear and panic, but they grossly underestimated our resolve.
I ask you, members of this Congress, to join with me in drawing up a plan of action, a declaration of war, in order to draw out and defeat these terrorist factions that have so boldly gone where none have dared before. I've directed the full resources of our intelligence and law enforcement communities to find those responsible and to bring them to justice. We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them.
7/4, a day which will live in infamy for all Kuldarians.
Qu'gen: We would like to open the floor to anyone that has questions.
Reporter 1: Can you tell us anything more about the weapon? And perhaps why Tempel 1 was chosen as a target?
Ju'rantit: From what limited information we have gathered on the weapon thus far, it appears to have been some kind of robotic suicide space probe, launched with the sole purpose of colliding into Tempel 1. It is unknown whether the probe was manned or whether there had been any attempt to hijack it. As for the target, we can only assume Tempel 1 was chosen because it serves as a beacon of freedom for all the people in the Kuldar race, a freedom that many neighboring solar systems are quite jealous of.
Reporter 2: What about loss of life? Do you have any estimates?
Ju'rantit: At this time, no. Shortly after the probe crashed into the upper levels of Tempel 1, it began to collapse on itself making rescue efforts difficult. We lost many additional brave Kuldarians during these rescue efforts. REMEMBER 7/4!
Reporter 2: Do we have any idea as to a plan or strategy of attack?
Ju'rantit: We are currently drawing up tentative plans to invade and occupy the Mars system located adjacent to Earth in the Milky Way galaxy. We must take this opporunity to stamp out terror wherever it exists.
Reporter 2: But I don't understand. Why are we invading Mars when we know that Earth was the culprit?
Ju'rantit: Because they have WSDs, or "Weapons of Space Destruction." We cannot allow terror of any kind to flourish! REMEMBER 7/4!
Reporter 3: Why was there no plan in place to prevent something like this?
Ju'rantit: My intellegence agencies tell me that they did receive numerous reports from various planets, indicating the possibility of a suicide space probe being used as a weapon against targets of Kuldar. We simply did not think that this scenario was either feasible or likely. REMEMBER 7/4!
Reporter 4: What can you tell us about the terrorist faction? What did you call it, NASA?
Ju'rantit: Frankly, we know very little other than they are a large producer of WSDs and have used many such devices in the past. We know that they are funded by the government of the nation in which they reside and the leader of the faction is one Michael Griffin. REMEMBER 7/4!
Reporter 4: Isn't it true that Michael Griffin used to be on the SIA payroll?
Ju'rantit: What are you doing, sympathizing with them? Are you some kind of terrorist? REMEMBER 7/4!
Reporter 5: Why do you keep saying, "REMEMBER 7/4!" after every sentence?
Ju'rantit: It's vital that every citizen of Kuldar remember 7/4 so you won't feel so bad when we start stripping away your rights. You'll know it's for a good cause. REMEMBER 7/4!
Qu'gen: Sorry folks, that's about all the time we have for now. We will be holding press conferences daily to keep everyone up to speed on what is happening. Be sure to pick up your souvenier "REMEMBER 7/4!" bumper stickers and t-shirts as you exit the building. Show your friends and family that you support your planet by buying one too. We'd hate to have to raise your taxes to fund our little war.
Also, it should be noted that a new Kuldrian policy is in effect. Anything that used to contain the word "Earth" is now to be replaced with the word "freedom." For example, the hippies of Kuldar should be referred to as "freedomy" and not "earthy." Additionally, any color previously classified as an earth tone is now to be known as a "freedom tone." Thank you.
Oh, and REMEMBER 7/4!
Place: Kuldar Hall of Congressional Justice
Location: Kuldar, Third Known Kuldarian Planet, Space
Qu'gen: Order, order! Let it be known that this session of Congress is now in order. All acknowledge that Supreme Congressional Ruler Ju'rantit, son of Trin'ta, has the floor.
Ju'rantit: Thank you, Qu'gen. As many of you, esteemed members of this Congress, may already know, a few days ago our planet became the focus of an unprovoked yet deliberately brutal terrorist attack. In the early morning hours of July 4th, 2005, a weapon from a passing space probe was used to crash into and destroy our beloved Tempel 1, a historical moon from our galaxy. Initial intelligence reports from the SIA (Space Intelligence Agency) lead us to believe that this is the work of a terrorist faction called NASA, native to the Americas on the remote planet of Earth.
At this point in time, the reasons behind this malicious attack are only speculation but make no mistake: This was an attack. An attack on our freedoms and our way of life here on Kuldar. They expected to shake us, to bring our population into a state of fear and panic, but they grossly underestimated our resolve.
I ask you, members of this Congress, to join with me in drawing up a plan of action, a declaration of war, in order to draw out and defeat these terrorist factions that have so boldly gone where none have dared before. I've directed the full resources of our intelligence and law enforcement communities to find those responsible and to bring them to justice. We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them.
7/4, a day which will live in infamy for all Kuldarians.
Qu'gen: We would like to open the floor to anyone that has questions.
Reporter 1: Can you tell us anything more about the weapon? And perhaps why Tempel 1 was chosen as a target?
Ju'rantit: From what limited information we have gathered on the weapon thus far, it appears to have been some kind of robotic suicide space probe, launched with the sole purpose of colliding into Tempel 1. It is unknown whether the probe was manned or whether there had been any attempt to hijack it. As for the target, we can only assume Tempel 1 was chosen because it serves as a beacon of freedom for all the people in the Kuldar race, a freedom that many neighboring solar systems are quite jealous of.
Reporter 2: What about loss of life? Do you have any estimates?
Ju'rantit: At this time, no. Shortly after the probe crashed into the upper levels of Tempel 1, it began to collapse on itself making rescue efforts difficult. We lost many additional brave Kuldarians during these rescue efforts. REMEMBER 7/4!
Reporter 2: Do we have any idea as to a plan or strategy of attack?
Ju'rantit: We are currently drawing up tentative plans to invade and occupy the Mars system located adjacent to Earth in the Milky Way galaxy. We must take this opporunity to stamp out terror wherever it exists.
Reporter 2: But I don't understand. Why are we invading Mars when we know that Earth was the culprit?
Ju'rantit: Because they have WSDs, or "Weapons of Space Destruction." We cannot allow terror of any kind to flourish! REMEMBER 7/4!
Reporter 3: Why was there no plan in place to prevent something like this?
Ju'rantit: My intellegence agencies tell me that they did receive numerous reports from various planets, indicating the possibility of a suicide space probe being used as a weapon against targets of Kuldar. We simply did not think that this scenario was either feasible or likely. REMEMBER 7/4!
Reporter 4: What can you tell us about the terrorist faction? What did you call it, NASA?
Ju'rantit: Frankly, we know very little other than they are a large producer of WSDs and have used many such devices in the past. We know that they are funded by the government of the nation in which they reside and the leader of the faction is one Michael Griffin. REMEMBER 7/4!
Reporter 4: Isn't it true that Michael Griffin used to be on the SIA payroll?
Ju'rantit: What are you doing, sympathizing with them? Are you some kind of terrorist? REMEMBER 7/4!
Reporter 5: Why do you keep saying, "REMEMBER 7/4!" after every sentence?
Ju'rantit: It's vital that every citizen of Kuldar remember 7/4 so you won't feel so bad when we start stripping away your rights. You'll know it's for a good cause. REMEMBER 7/4!
Qu'gen: Sorry folks, that's about all the time we have for now. We will be holding press conferences daily to keep everyone up to speed on what is happening. Be sure to pick up your souvenier "REMEMBER 7/4!" bumper stickers and t-shirts as you exit the building. Show your friends and family that you support your planet by buying one too. We'd hate to have to raise your taxes to fund our little war.
Also, it should be noted that a new Kuldrian policy is in effect. Anything that used to contain the word "Earth" is now to be replaced with the word "freedom." For example, the hippies of Kuldar should be referred to as "freedomy" and not "earthy." Additionally, any color previously classified as an earth tone is now to be known as a "freedom tone." Thank you.
Oh, and REMEMBER 7/4!
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