This week, I've been spitting out updates like Mormon families do babies. Depending on your disposition, you may or may not find this scenario to your liking. (If you're unsure, a simple math equation involving the amount of cousins you have multiplied by how popular you were in high school should provide the answer. Isn't science amazing?) This has left me with very little to write about at the moment. Well, that and this hangover. It really does make it hard to think straight. As such, I just intend on rambling on about various things today with no real direction, like old people when they tell stories from their past.
You know what I just realized? How rude I've been. These updates are all about me, me, me. Granted, I mean, I write them but really, how selfish. What about you? How are you doing? Anything new? How are the kids (if applicable)? See? That wasn't so hard was it? So I tell a corny joke or two and try to get some cheap laughs. That doesn't make me popular. In truth, I am simply a peanut. I'm a shell that is mostly empty, containing only two nuts inside. So easily discarded like unwanted infants.
I'm not trying to turn this into a random update but rather a pointless one. The random updates have their own serials (see: "Perfectly Random" and the upcoming, aptly named "Perfectly Random #2"). It's much easier to keep writing sequels to past updates than it is to actually create anything new. Let's face it, I'm a big sham. I steal all my material from poor homeless children without internet access. I lied to them and told them that I would take care of their families if they put out some quality shtick. And put out they did. And then they wrote some material. Say what you want about homeless children but they're pretty reliable if you lie to them and promise them things.
Did you hear the agreement the US Government made with the US Mint about putting rap stars on all the newly issued coins? They're going to put 50 Cent on the 50 cent piece (duh!), Lloyd Banks on the new pennies, and The Game on all new dimes. They'll be referred to as "G Units" of currency. Christ, sorry. I've had that damn gag running in my head for the past month and could never shake it. I kept trying to find a way to put that into some update but it just never worked. Since this update sucks already, I figured that I could kill two birds with one stone and rid myself of that horrible joke forever. Do you see? Left unchecked, this is the crap I come up with. There is seriously something wrong with me. Not wrong like a nude retirement resort but wrong in some other kind of less wrong way.
I had an idea the other day about transforming my car into public transportation. You know, make a little money when I'm out and about. The routes and stops would be limited and I damn sure hope that you're going to the same place I'm going or you're screwed. But then I realized that I was lazy. It didn't really bother me that it was both an impractical and horribly bad idea, just that I was lazy. That's my priorities for you. I'm guessing I'm about done here though. I'm only really updating today for the simple fact of feeling the need to update. Because if I don't feed you your daily dose of insane (and inane) drivel, you'll find someone else who will. I can't be havin' any of that. I'm going to quit my job and open up a fruit stand in the back of my car. This will hopefully me more freedom so that I can devote even more time to wasting yours.
"Oranges, get yer oranges right here! 1 bag for $6, 2 for $10."
You know what I just realized? How rude I've been. These updates are all about me, me, me. Granted, I mean, I write them but really, how selfish. What about you? How are you doing? Anything new? How are the kids (if applicable)? See? That wasn't so hard was it? So I tell a corny joke or two and try to get some cheap laughs. That doesn't make me popular. In truth, I am simply a peanut. I'm a shell that is mostly empty, containing only two nuts inside. So easily discarded like unwanted infants.
I'm not trying to turn this into a random update but rather a pointless one. The random updates have their own serials (see: "Perfectly Random" and the upcoming, aptly named "Perfectly Random #2"). It's much easier to keep writing sequels to past updates than it is to actually create anything new. Let's face it, I'm a big sham. I steal all my material from poor homeless children without internet access. I lied to them and told them that I would take care of their families if they put out some quality shtick. And put out they did. And then they wrote some material. Say what you want about homeless children but they're pretty reliable if you lie to them and promise them things.
Did you hear the agreement the US Government made with the US Mint about putting rap stars on all the newly issued coins? They're going to put 50 Cent on the 50 cent piece (duh!), Lloyd Banks on the new pennies, and The Game on all new dimes. They'll be referred to as "G Units" of currency. Christ, sorry. I've had that damn gag running in my head for the past month and could never shake it. I kept trying to find a way to put that into some update but it just never worked. Since this update sucks already, I figured that I could kill two birds with one stone and rid myself of that horrible joke forever. Do you see? Left unchecked, this is the crap I come up with. There is seriously something wrong with me. Not wrong like a nude retirement resort but wrong in some other kind of less wrong way.
I had an idea the other day about transforming my car into public transportation. You know, make a little money when I'm out and about. The routes and stops would be limited and I damn sure hope that you're going to the same place I'm going or you're screwed. But then I realized that I was lazy. It didn't really bother me that it was both an impractical and horribly bad idea, just that I was lazy. That's my priorities for you. I'm guessing I'm about done here though. I'm only really updating today for the simple fact of feeling the need to update. Because if I don't feed you your daily dose of insane (and inane) drivel, you'll find someone else who will. I can't be havin' any of that. I'm going to quit my job and open up a fruit stand in the back of my car. This will hopefully me more freedom so that I can devote even more time to wasting yours.
"Oranges, get yer oranges right here! 1 bag for $6, 2 for $10."
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