They say that every day is supposed to be an adventure, that you're supposed to learn something new. Should that prove true, it would only make sense that over a long holiday weekend, one should have had lots of adventures and should have learned many new things. Sort of like when daddy used to beat me and call it "home schooling." That aside, when your life is a 24 hour party, you're bound to learn a thing or two. Math professors call these "lessons." Here are my lessons learned from a long Memorial Day weekend:
- Sun hurts. A lot. Apparently this is one of those things that everyone is supposed to know. My crazy neighbor used to call it common sense. Well, no one bothered to tell me. So, standing outside with minor amounts of clothing on for a period considered a long duration on a hot day is bad. I have heard whispered rumors about some kind of lotion product that you can use to block out the harmful sun rays, but I don't remember what it's called. I tried to score some on the street the other day using every illicit connection I had but to no avail. The upside is that I can heat a small room with the energy radiating from my burns.
- Unless you're of the gay variety, don't trust strange men who approach you in the bathroom. And to follow that up, don't consider going home with them, no matter how charismatic they may be. Unless they have lots of money and are willing to pamper you for days on end, but consider that unsanctioned advice. Additionally, to avoid the menacing stares and hateful looks, don't go back to the bar and sit with your male friend. It's like a slap in the face. Pay your bill and beat a hasty retreat before you become a bigger man's tasty treat.
- Nascar sucks.
- A one day hangover is a lot better to deal with than a four day hangover. Through some minor miracle, I managed to not drink myself stupid this weekend, despite the party starting Thursday after work. Yesterday, however, was a different story entirely.
- I'm better at basketball than I am at horseshoes. Having played both this weekend, I can confirm this to be true, and basketball never gave me a poorly placed blister on my finger. Plus my pool game is spotty at best these days. I got beat three games straight. That's just wrong.
- Hanging out with celebrities does not make you one, no matter how much you wish otherwise. No, you're just that guy that always hangs out with celebrities. It's not bad but you're no rockstar. Just a groupie. Be my groupie. Please?
- Work doesn't go away just because you put it off for the weekend. You just have that much more to deal with when the week begins again. It sure seems like a good idea at the time though.
So, as you can see, a number of new items were gleaned this past weekend. Up and downs, another notch on the belt of life. It's a short work week, so in the blink of an eye it's going to start all over again. But hey, I'm always up for learning something new. Give to charity -- they feed the homeless.
- Sun hurts. A lot. Apparently this is one of those things that everyone is supposed to know. My crazy neighbor used to call it common sense. Well, no one bothered to tell me. So, standing outside with minor amounts of clothing on for a period considered a long duration on a hot day is bad. I have heard whispered rumors about some kind of lotion product that you can use to block out the harmful sun rays, but I don't remember what it's called. I tried to score some on the street the other day using every illicit connection I had but to no avail. The upside is that I can heat a small room with the energy radiating from my burns.
- Unless you're of the gay variety, don't trust strange men who approach you in the bathroom. And to follow that up, don't consider going home with them, no matter how charismatic they may be. Unless they have lots of money and are willing to pamper you for days on end, but consider that unsanctioned advice. Additionally, to avoid the menacing stares and hateful looks, don't go back to the bar and sit with your male friend. It's like a slap in the face. Pay your bill and beat a hasty retreat before you become a bigger man's tasty treat.
- Nascar sucks.
- A one day hangover is a lot better to deal with than a four day hangover. Through some minor miracle, I managed to not drink myself stupid this weekend, despite the party starting Thursday after work. Yesterday, however, was a different story entirely.
- I'm better at basketball than I am at horseshoes. Having played both this weekend, I can confirm this to be true, and basketball never gave me a poorly placed blister on my finger. Plus my pool game is spotty at best these days. I got beat three games straight. That's just wrong.
- Hanging out with celebrities does not make you one, no matter how much you wish otherwise. No, you're just that guy that always hangs out with celebrities. It's not bad but you're no rockstar. Just a groupie. Be my groupie. Please?
- Work doesn't go away just because you put it off for the weekend. You just have that much more to deal with when the week begins again. It sure seems like a good idea at the time though.
So, as you can see, a number of new items were gleaned this past weekend. Up and downs, another notch on the belt of life. It's a short work week, so in the blink of an eye it's going to start all over again. But hey, I'm always up for learning something new. Give to charity -- they feed the homeless.
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