With May coming to a rapid close and summer right around the corner, you start noticing the better weather and the longer days.  Here at the P.Net offices, we welcome summer a little different than most (and no, we're not talking about our "red pills for good days, white pills for bad days" policy).  To us, the start of June means only one thing: midgets are fashionable again!  We'll admit to being a little floored at last year's success, so it is with great enthusiasm and excitement that we are able to announce the second annual P.Net Adopt-A-Midget Charitable Festival Gathering Thing.  We would like nothing better than to tell you that we donate all the proceeds to some good cause like bone marrow research, but that would be lying.  And we hate lying, almost as much as we hate that crazy guy that keeps bothering us for change in the parking lot.  The truth is, we simply treat the whole office to a "let's see who can overdose first" party but, really, I'm getting off the beaten path here.  Partially attributed to our underestimation last year and the fact that Jerry from Purchasing was drunk this year, we're grossly overstocked on our inventory this time around.  The little bastards are crawling all over the office and they need to go, go, go!  With that, you and a friend are cordially invited to attend our upcoming auction.  Unsure about owning a midget?  Here are some helpful reasons as to why you probably need one:

- Are you lazy and sloth-like when it comes to chores around the house?  Don't fret -- your new midget is here.  Child labor laws?  Yeah, right!  Your new midget is fully grown and capable but without all the rights of an 18-year old.  Work your new purchase to the bone while you kick back and live the life of luxary.  Buy two and make one a butler, all the better to serve you and your houseguests.
(Whip and chains are not included but may be purchased seperately after the auction is complete.)

- Do you feel like you no longer wear the pants in the family?  Are you not quite up to par with the other abusive fathers in your neighborhood?  Have no fear, your new midget is here!  Built and bred tough, P.Net brand midgets take a licking and keep on ticking.  Heck, after a 12-pack and a couple of punches, you'll feel like a man in no time.  The Joneses will have nothing on you!

- Do you miss the glory days of your youth, running rampant and free without worry?  Live vicariously through your new midget!  Send him to the store to steal items you can't afford without the fear of criminal prosecution!  Send him out on Halloween to bully all the other kids while you enjoy the spoils of war.  Become the Capo of your own mafia of tiny gangsters, giving them such cute names as "Half Pint," "Short Stack," and "Knee High."  The world is yours!

These are just a few of the exciting reasons why owning a P.Net brand midget is good for both your health and career.  Midgets are an unending source of amusement for grown people, similar to having a real circus right in your living room.  They don't have feelings like real people so you don't have to feel guilty in the morning.  It is recommended that you RSVP to this event as soon as possible as auction house seating is limited.  To celebrate the occasion, we will have shortcakes and other assorted small snacks on hand.  It really is fun for the whole family!